The ultimate 'Suicide Squad' of WWE villains, starring John Cena & more
By Ryan Satin
FOX Sports WWE Analyst
"The Suicide Squad" starring WWE’s John Cena is now in theaters, and it got me thinking: if I were Amanda Waller, which WWE villains would I put together to save the world from destruction?
For those unfamiliar with the movie’s premise, here is a spoiler-free synopsis: A group of incarcerated criminals and supervillains are sent by the government on a suicide mission to stop an unbeatable force. If they succeed, which is unlikely, their sentences will be reduced.
The villains this time around include Harley Quinn, King Shark, Bloodsport and Peacemaker; played by Cena.
Big Match John isn’t typically considered a WWE villain, but since this is the Summer of Cena – and half the WWE Universe used to act like he was a bad guy, anyway – I’m keeping him on my squad.
He’s strong, he’s resilient, he can lift giants and he even has a lightning fist at his disposal. John also already has the Peacemaker costume, as seen in every interview he’s done promoting the movie, so that'll come in handy.
No matter who (or what) the target is, John Cena is someone I’d want help from in taking down a major threat. Good choice, James Gunn.
Here’s who else I would pick:
The current WWE Universal Champion is a bad dude and an obvious first choice.
For starters, he’s the most unstoppable heel in all of WWE right now. He even wears a Thanos-like glove to convey his ultimate power.
Over the past year, he’s plowed through Superstars such as Daniel Bryan, Edge, Kevin Owens, Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman to forge a path of destruction akin to "The Mad Titan" acquiring every Infinity Stone.
Reigns always gets the job done. Even if it requires teaching a difficult lesson to a family member like Jimmy or Jey.
Thankfully, The Usos haven’t been Gamora’d just yet!
If you have to go into battle against the unknown, who better to have on your side than The Undertaker?
He’s big, he’s evil, he’s defeated a plethora of villainous entities throughout his career, oh, and his character is basically supposed to be dead.
"The Phenom" can additionally shoot lightning from his fingertips, which would come in handy during the final battle, and one time survived being accidentally burned on-stage by pyro.
The Undertaker also has a good track record in teaming with my next pick …
In order to be two steps ahead of world destruction, it would be smart to have "The Brothers of Destruction" on your side going into battle.
"The Big Red Machine" has been a dominant force in WWE for decades and occasionally making appearances still while serving as mayor of Knox County in his daily life proves he’ll always be dedicated to violence.
Superpowers are obviously useful in this scenario, too, so being able to control fire from afar makes him a valuable member of the team.
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Like I said, having superpowers gives you an edge, and Alexa’s Harley Quinn-like character has been shown to have plenty at her disposal.
There’s mind control. A demonic doll by her side.
The ability to manipulate electronics and pyro.
Not to mention the fact that she had no qualms about burning Randy Orton IN THE FACE with a fireball to get revenge for someone else.
That’s an evil team player.
While some of you may not think of The Rock as a heel in 2021, there was a time when he was a self-absorbed piece of crap who went by the moniker of "The Corporate Champion" and did whatever his evil boss asked of him.
To be completely honest, though, I’m mainly including The Rock because of his immense blockbuster experience.
The Fast and Furious franchise, the Jumanji movies, Rampage, San Andreas, Jungle Cruise, Skyscraper, Baywatch – actually, let’s forget that last one.
You get my point, though. The Rock typically plays characters that save the day. Having him on this team would be wise.
If you need me to explain why I’d want "The Face of Fear" on my WWE Suicide Squad, then you don’t know enough about Haku.
Therefore, in lieu of me writing about it, here’s a compilation video of wrestlers detailing how tough he is in real life.
WARNING: It starts with Hulk Hogan talking about the time Haku bit a chunk of someone’s nose off their face. Enjoy!
Ryan Satin is a WWE analyst for FOX Sports. Satin previously appeared on FS1's "WWE Backstage" and founded Pro Wrestling Sheet, where he broke countless news stories as editor-in-chief.