18-year-old Marcus Rashford rescues Manchester United with brace in career debut

Right before Manchester United's Last-32 Europa League tie against Danish minnows Midtjylland on Thursday, Anthony Martial --€“ arguably the lone bright spot in an otherwise maddeningly impotent United side -- bowed out with an injury mid-warmup.

Now, trailing 2-1 heading into a second-leg match that a week prior no one would've dreamed could be crucial, Louis van Gaal needed to, you know, field a complete team.

Enter willowy, fresh-faced Marcus Rashford, all of 18 years old and stepping onto the pitch for the first time as a first-team player. It's also worth noting that he doesn't have a Wikipedia page, which in 2016 is the only truly reliable metric for measuring success in world football.

Rashford appeared alongside right back Joe Riley who is also a teenager and the seventh player to feature at the position for United this season, left back Guillermo Varela, who'd been adrift in the practice squad doldrums for some time, and, thanks to a bizarre and unfortunate Chris Smalling shoulder injury, Michael Carrick at center back.

It was a piecemeal squad and, needless to say, before kickoff, things didn't look great.

They looked horrible 27 minutes in when Pione Sisto basically pantsed Daley Blind, Michael Carrick, and Ander Herrera to stick a slow roller in at the far post past emergency keeper Sergio Romero.

Midtjylland pulled one back on themselves with a Nikolay Bodurov own goal in the 32nd minute, but a telegraphed penalty from Juan Mata that Mikkel Andersen was able to read like an open book meant that United couldn't take the lead before time.

I'm not sure what happened in the locker room at half. It could be Rashford got his hands on some of Michael Jordan's Special Stuff; maybe Van Gaal had some profound words of inspiration. (The former is more likely.) But after a promising, but ultimately quiet first period, the 18-year-old stepped back onto the pitch guns blazing and finished at close range to break the deadlock in the 63rd minute. He struck again 12 minutes later to seal the game.  

In his debut. In a season-saving Europa League match.

Because Manchester United is no fun at all, they didn't let him complete the hat trick and ceded a 87th minute penalty to Ander Herrera. Memphis Depay scored the fifth and final goal in the 90th minute to put the Red Devils through, 6-3 on aggregate.

If we've learned nothing else from today, let it be that Van Gaal should just keep fielding teams replete with teenagers and see what happens. He's not long for Old Trafford anyway.