Gross overreactions and 2016 MLS season predictions based on Week 1

MLS kicked off its 21st season on Sunday with a smorgasbord of games. All 20 teams were in action so by the end of the day, we knew all we needed to know about every single one of them. After all, we've seen 90 full minutes on each team so it's pretty clear how the season is going to go now.

Presenting: Gross overreactions and 2016 season predictions based on Week 1.

Mike Magee is a Ballon d'Or contender

The midfielder came on at halftime for the Galaxy and scored two goals, picked up an assist and drew a penalty. With a 68-goal, 34-assist season on the horizon, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo better watch their backs. Magee is coming for the Iron Throne.

FC Dallas can do no wrong

They are good at scoring, passing, defending and, probably most important, celebrating. On top of all that, Oscar Pareja is basically hitting on all of America.

They will go 34-0 and the whole league will forfeit the playoffs to hand them MLS Cup. That's just prudent and a great example of survival skills.

If you go 25 minutes without a goal, your TV is probably broken

There were a total of 36 goals on Sunday in 10 matches. Besides that being a league record for an opening day, it means that there was a goal every 25 minutes so if you're watching a match this season and have gone that long without a goal, check to make sure your TV is working. You're promised 3.6 goals per match all season now. There's a contract and everything.

Jordan Morris rhymes with Freddy Adu

Freddy Adu didn't score in his debut. The similarities are endless.

Orlando City are better with 10 men than 11

The Lions were beaten 1-0 when they had 11 men, but once they went down to 10, they out-scored Real Salt Lake 2-1. Adrian Heath has to consider instructing one of his players to get a red card on the kickoff for the rest of the season.

Sebastian Giovinco will be Toronto FC's all-time leading scorer by May

It took one season in TFC red for Giovinco to become the club's second all-time leading scorer and with a goal on Sunday, he's just nine behind Dwayne De Rosario for the top spot at BMO Field. That would be funny for Toronto if you were allowed to do anything except gawk at Giovinco when he does anything. It's Canadian law.

There isn't a position Michael Bradley can't play

Potentially true. And Toronto FC will make sure we know by the end of the season.

Bill Hamid is the best goalkeeper in MLS

No one wants to give him Goalkeeper of the Year for reasons that don't make sense, but watch D.C. United with noted human goalkeeper Andrew Dykstra in Week 1 then go back and watch them with Hamid last season.

Jermaine Jones and Tim Howard aren't strikers

No, the Rapids didn't have either of their two stars - Jones is suspended for five more matches and Howard's rumored signing won't be until the summer - but they are a defensive midfielder and a goalkeeper and they might lead the team in goals. Which is unideal.

NYCFC and Chicago's defenses exist in theory

Just check out the highlights for proof.

Okay, maybe not.

Federico Higuain is out here avenging Crew SC's kit

Those kits are the key to Crew SC's season and Higuain's MVP bid.

Sacramento is getting an MLS expansion team

Didier Drogba is going to train with Sacramento Republic. Put two and two together, doofus.

FC Dallas took home Celebration of the Week thanks to their rowboat.

All Sebastian Giovinco does is score.