Badgers-Northwestern Off-Beat Preview: One curse down, one to go

By foxsports
Published

Big time disclaimer: I watched 0% of the Nebraska game. I somehow got lucky enough to get tickets to the World Series games at Wrigley, and, well, when that opportunity presents itself you suddenly forget that Wisconsin has a game that night or a football program or that the state of Wisconsin even exists. I’M SORRY.

So here’s my recap of a game I have never watched and will never watch because what’s done is done and we won so I don’t care:

     

    BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
    1) Michigan, 8-0 (5-0). GIMME THESE GUYS IN INDY

    2) Ohio State, 7-1 (4-1). Pay close attention, Columbus: you have one job. ONE JOB. You must defend the Shoe and beat Nebraska. That’s it and that’s all. Get over your loss to Penn State and REGROUP.

    3) Wisconsin, 6-2 (3-2). Can we talk about how Fumagalli has 9 fingers and I didn’t know about this?

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Sneakily I love that our best receiver is a tight end nicknamed FOOMS with 9 fingers. That’s poetic.

    4) Nebraska, 7-1 (4-1). Like I said, they weren’t fooling me. Go beat someone and then come back here and say something. Just don’t beat OSU.

    5) Penn State, 6-2 (4-1). Am I upset they did what we shoulda did? Of course I am!

    6) Northwestern, 4-4 (3-2). Sun’s out, Bucky up, Cats down, book it.

    7) Maryland, 5-3 (2-3). Well on my way to not watching a single second of Maryland football this year. I’m proud of myself for that!

    8) Iowa, 5-3 (3-2). Dany update:

    Look at dat classy gal crossing her legs. Girl knows a photo op when she sees one.

    9) Minnesota, 6-2 (3-2). Talk about another school that has beaten absolutely no one.

    10) Indiana, 4-4 (2-3). Officially cheering for them to make a bowl game because why not.

    11) Purdue, 3-5 (1-4). LOL purdue

    12) Illinois, 2-6 (1-4). Did I see some tweets saying Lovie was already regretting taking this job? Gee, who could have imagined the Illinois football coach wouldn’t enjoy that role?

    13) Michigan State, 2-6 (0-5). CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS:

    YOU ARE AHEAD OF RUTGERS IN THE STANDINGS IN NOVEMBER BECAUSE YOU COME FIRST ALPHABETICALLY.

    14) Rutgers, 2-6 (0-5). Also officially now rooting for Rutgers to somehow finish ahead of MSU. Screw it. Let’s watch the world burn.

     

    THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU

    Off to Evanston

    A s***hole of all s***holes

    Let’s break this dumb curse

     

    PREDICTION CITY

    2016, where pathetic curses go to die. Believe that. THE PICK:

    WISCONSIN 24, Nerds 20

     

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    ON WISCONSIN