Badgers-Akron off-beat preview: Juicy steaks, #TeamHouston and zip for the Zips?
If you are looking for hard-hitting analysis, yeah, this ain't it. But if you want a fun, entertaining read, you've found the right place. For more of Brandon Rifkin, please head to his blog or follow him on Twitter.
Heaven on earth. That's what Green Bay, Wisconsin was on Saturday afternoon. The closest thing to perfection that we could ever ask for and possibly receive. The weather was something way beyond cooperative as the temperature chilled in the 70s while some sparse clouds rolled through as sun relief. The LSU fans were all over the place, having a blast in completely nonconfrontational ways. I was impressed with how many homes they commandeered for their tailgates -- looks like the AirBNB market in Green Bay was booming.
Of course, it helped that we SOMEHOW came back and won that damn game. Like most of you, I started slowly talking myself into us winning. Yeah, you usually don't beat top-5 teams when you come up with nothing but turnovers and field goals in your red zone trips ... but our defense was balling out so hard that it felt like we actually had a chance at pulling it off. Then we go up 13 and all of the sudden you're fully convinced that this can and will happen. RIDING HIGH.
...but it's never that easy. An absolutely awful pick-six and an almost equally awful fumble had LSU in the driver's seat. Just like that, in two freaking minutes, we erased 2+ quarters worth of dominance. I don't fault you for thinking we let it slip away once they took that 14-13 lead: we've seen this show before. There was no doubt we deserved to win two years ago against them, but GA happened and MGIII was "benched" and the rest was history. Why do we have to keep letting these guys steal wins from us?
Thankfully, Chryst and his staff steadied the ship. Gaglianone drilled yet another long, clutch field goal while the D kept pressuring LSU and making plays. By the time that idiot laid a cheap shot on D'Cota Dixon after his game-sealing interception, the entire stadium -- well, other than that purple section -- was losing their minds. This wasn't a playoff game -- hell, this wasn't a bowl game. But it had that level of enthusiasm and energy that is hard to find in September in college football.
For all of my whining about neutral site games, I can safely tell you that this was one of the single best sporting events I ever attended. Lots of passionate fans with an elite tailgating scene, all congregating around the greatest football venue in the land. Add it up, throw in a UW upset for the ages ... and you get the perfect Saturday in September. Cheers.
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BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
1) Ohio State, 1-0 (0-0). They're good.
2) Wisconsin, 1-0 (0-0). I'd love to pretend I was just going standard reverse jinx approach with my prediction ... but I honestly didn't think we were going to win. You can admit it: you didn't either. But that's the beauty of sport. We can all be dumb and wrong and who cares because if being wrong is as fun as Saturday was, then I literally never want to be right again.
PS - Going from unranked to No. 10 in the nation is hilarious. Will be even funnier when we're back to being unranked in mid-October.
3) Michigan, 1-0 (0-0). Alright so yeah they're gonna be pretty good this year.
4) Michigan State, 1-0 (0-0). Am I just now starting to talk myself into a UW upset in East Lansing? DON'T LOOK NOW, SHOCKER CITY COMING SOON
5) Iowa, 1-0 (0-0). They didn't look too impressive, and I'm saying that as someone that didn't watch a single second of their game.
6) Minnesota, 1-0 (0-0). Gary Andersen vs. Minnesota, what was just unfair because there technically wasn't a way for both of them to lose.
PS - I'm pretty over Bret Bielema and his departure (he won a lot of games, kept the program elevated after replacing a legend, and just wanted to get hog wild -- so be it). But I'll be damned if I'll ever give Andersen a pass. What a bum in every sense of the word. A lot of it does fall on Barry Alvarez for throwing a bunch of money at a square peg in the round hole that is Madison, but Andersen just ... well he just kinda sucked. The LSU debacle alone will make me always despise him. The icing on the cake was his shifty little departure without ever truthfully explaining why he left. Too much secrecy.
Meanwhile, he's 2-11 at Oregon State and I don't think that's going to get a whole lot better this year. Smooches.
7) Nebraska, 1-0 (0-0). The tribute to Sam Foltz with the delay of game penalty was one of those moments where you kind of step back and realize football is just a fun little thing that distracts us from real life.
In other news, the people that broke into his brother's house while he was in Lincoln for that game are about as low as it gets. Enjoy whatever the maximum allowable punishment is for your crimes, asshats.
8) Penn State, 1-0 (0-0). Finished "Stranger Things." Every bit the masterpiece people are calling it. And also the inspiration for one incredible Halloween costume:
Also, even though it was a '90s movie, Hopper leaving food in the woods for Eleven gave me strong "Heavyweights" vibes.
Can't wait for the next season.
9) Illinois, 1-0 (0-0). Crooked number in Week 1 has Illinois on Lookout Alert, which means look out they might actually not be completely freaking terrible.
10) Maryland, 1-0 (0-0). "Tin Cup" is on as I'm writing this and that is still without question a top-5 sports movie. What else is in that stratosphere? "Major League," "Happy Gilmore," "BASEketball," "The Sandlot," "Cool Runnings," "The Replacements," "Little Giants," "Rocky," "Caddyshack" ... I'm running out of steam.
11) Indiana, 1-0 (0-0). Some people who understand football better than I do claim they're on the way up. I'm of the 'believe it when I see it' school with regards to IU football. Yeah, they hung with Michigan, OSU, and Iowa last year ... but they blew a 25-point lead late in the third quarter against Rutgers. People don't forget and people CAN'T forget that.
12) Purdue, 1-0 (0-0). LOL purdue forever and ever
13) Northwestern, 0-1 (0-0). Hot start, nerds. Always good to drop the home opener to Directional Michigan. That should help with recruiting!
14) Rutgers, 0-1 (0-0). I didn't know there were RUTGERS TRUTHERS out there:
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THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU
Low expectations?
Not for a fresh top 10 team
It's playoff or bust
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VIDEO OF THE WEEK
I DEMAND to know where this guy was coming from and where he was going:
Absolutely incredible. This was 26 years ago and if you had to guess if the guy that almost decided to drive somewhere that you'd normally fly to just so he could down 3 packs of grits was still alive, what would you go with? I'm gonna say he's probably a goner, but if he IS alive, I bet he still curses every time he sees the little "no smoking" light on a plane.
PS -- All jokes aside, can you even imagine being on an airplane where like 15 people were just chainsmoking the entire time? How insanely and incredibly awful does that sound? Big Government sure seems to get a lot of things wrong or spend too much time arguing, but this was certainly one of their finer achievements.
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#FOODPORN
TOMAHAWK steaks on a grill hotter than should even be legal. But you don't get grade-A restaurant quality grill marks on a piece of meat like that without jacking the heat up to 700+ degrees. How eager to eat these magnificent chunks of meat was I? I grabbed that metal thermometer with my bare freaking hands once we yanked them off the grill. Just couldn't contain my excitement. Here's the finished product:
You would pay good money in a steakhouse for that and you would not go home hungry or disappointed.
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#SKYPORN
Another one from Lambeau. Loved the shadows from the clouds leaving little splotches of sun on the crowd right before we found a way to screw this up and come away empty-handed. PRISTINE afternoon.
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PREDICTION CITY
CHOO CHOO, SECOND STOP ON THE HOUSTON EXPRESS. Yet again, I managed to start the bandwagon before anyone else even realized they were on the tracks. #TeamHouston since birth, ride or die, #BartCity population me. You're welcome to join now before it gets too late and everyone knows you just a fair-weather #BartDude. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 31, Akron 3