The 2016 Chicago Bulls Christmas Wish List

We’ve made it to the holidays! The Chicago Bulls have been awfully naughty and not very nice over the past twelve months, but let’s make them a wish list anyway.

There are so many things the Bulls could wish for: A time machine, Michael Jordan staying 31 years old forever, Stacey King to accidentally lock himself out of the building before every broadcast, Kirk Hinrich to text them so that they can offer him dual duties as President of Basketball Operations and Head Coach – just like Thibs.

The list is seemingly endless, so let’s try to narrow down their wish list just a little bit. So we’ll give it a few parameters.

First, let’s limit anything on the wish list regarding players and/or their performance levels to those players who are currently in the NBA. It’s fine if they’re not a Chicago player, so if Gar Forman wants to sit in bed all day on Christmas hoping that LeBron James has traded himself to Chicago for Rajon Rondo and spare parts, that’s just fine. I mean, it seems like a thing Forman would do anyway.

Second, we’re going to make sure their wish list sticks within the general structure of the current rules and regulations of the NBA. So they can’t wish for a 35-second shot clock or the ability to play 6-on-5.

Next, no player duplication wishes. If we don’t lay down this law immediately, you know Forman or John Paxson or whichever member of the Reinsdorf family is actually “running” the Bulls is going to immediately wish for a roster comprised of Jimmy Butler and 14 Doug McDermotts. That should never happen.

Lastly, and this is pointed at us bloggers, writers, fans, observers, or anyone who just hates mediocre basketball teams – no wishing for new ownership. It’s what we all want, it’s probably what the team really needs, but it isn’t going to be an option here. Probably saving us from ourselves, with our luck we’d find the next Vivek Ranadive or James Dolan and no one needs that.

Nov 22, 2016; Denver, CO, USA; Chicago Bulls head coach Fred Hoiberg reacts after a play in the second quarter against the Denver Nuggets at the Pepsi Center. Mandatory Credit: Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports

A New Playbook

It’s for someone to splurge and get Hoiberg what he’s always wanted – an NBA playbook.

It should have all of different sections in it, don’t skimp.

There are probably a few different versions that you can snag with Amazon Prime that feature sections for after timeouts (ATOs). Hoiberg has always wanted those plays, but he’s been left to try and figure that out on his own from the looks of things.

Also, make sure that it has some end of quarter plays. It doesn’t have to be thick or extensive, just something that has a couple of options so that Chicago doesn’t have to finish a quarter with a possession that results in either a turnover or the clock expiring long before the play unfolds with nothing close to a shot happening. For example, what happened at Charlotte on Friday, December 23.

One thing to look for in this playbook, a feature only available in new editions, is some up-to-date data and video on fourth quarters. Specifically, on what happens when Rondo is used as a closing point guard. I think that information would be really helpful to Hoiberg.

Lastly, the playbook should contain a few blurbs on SLOBS, HORNS, and maybe an entire chapter focused entirely on how to run elevators. Like any truly heartfelt gift, this should come with a personalized note that explains how running elevators is a great idea and that it might be extremely helpful to use more than once every 20 games on a roster that features McDermott and Nikola Mirotic. With such a strong emphasis on having a roster with reliable, skilled 3-point shooters, they should add in a few wrinkles and plays that other teams in the league use on offense. If it worked for the 2014-15 Golden State Warriors to help free up their deadly shooters, it might be a fun experiment to run with a couple of shooters that could use a little extra boost to help them get their confidence up.

Nov 15, 2016; Portland, OR, USA; Chicago Bulls forward Jimmy Butler (21) shoots a three point basket over Portland Trail Blazers guard C.J. McCollum (3) during the first quarter at the Moda Center. Mandatory Credit: Craig Mitchelldyer-USA TODAY Sports

3-Pointers!

How is it that Chicago is so terrible at 3-pointers? Oh, you mean to tell me that we saw this coming all along? Yes. It’s fair to wonder why everyone except to Bulls front office could see this stuff as the likely outcome of this roster.

If you set the minimum 3-point field goal attempts (3FGA) at one, Rondo leads Chicago in shooting from deep. Rondo leads the Bulls in 3-point shooting. Is that sinking in? He’s shooting 34.8 percent and that’s the best on the entire team. Butler is shooting 34.4 percent on 3FGAs. There are only four players on the roster shooting over 30 percent on 3FGAs. That’s kind of terrible.

Michael Carter-Williams and Bobby Portis are the best shooters on the team, but Carter-Williams has only played three games because of injury and is historically a poor perimeter shooter. Also, he’s averaging less than one 3FGA in those appearances, so nothing to read in there or to project as sustainable. Portis has done it over a much longer stretch of the season, he’s played 21 games. However, he too is taking less than one 3FGA per game, only plays about 12 minutes per game and has been a DNP-CD since December 19 because he’s been bad at basketball in almost every sense.

In their loss to Charlotte on December 23, they managed to take 22 3FGAs, but still only shot 31.8 percent as a team. Ironically, despite these poor numbers, they attempted and made more 3s than the Hornets and Charlotte actually shot worse than 31.8 percent. Even on the rare occasion that Chicago gets their 3s up, they still can’t cash it in for a win.

Dec 20, 2016; Sacramento, CA, USA; Sacramento Kings forward DeMarcus Cousins (15) during the game against the Portland Trail Blazers at Golden 1 Center. The Trail Blazers defeated the Kings 126-121. Mandatory Credit: Sergio Estrada-USA TODAY Sports

A Trade

Here’s a fun wish. And like I mentioned, Gar is probably sitting at him in bed in his satin pajamas, hoping he’ll get a call from Cleveland saying that they tried to keep LeBron, but he just can’t be persuaded to stay and he wants to play for the Bulls right away.

James obviously isn’t an option for Chicago. The best players in the league are either untouchable, wouldn’t want to play for the Bulls, or there isn’t a package that makes it work. You could wish for Russell Westbrook, I sure would. He’s not being traded. You could wish for Blake Griffin, I sure wouldn’t. He’s possibly available, but they’re going to ask for Taj Gibson (fine), some draft picks (no way), and some combination of McDermott, Mirotic and/or Denzel Valentine. All of that for an expiring deal on a guy like Griffin is suspect. Of course, he’s been injured a lot lately so there’s that tradition for Chicago to carry on.

There’s one, maybe two guys that could be available to the Bulls – if they’re willing to pay the price. DeMarcus Cousins is definitely on his way out of Sacramento. Maybe there’s a deal to make on that front? I came up with something that I could convince myself of, though I’m sure it sounds insane to everyone else. But this is the Christmas wish list, deal with it.

Chicago gets Cousins, sends Gibson, Mirotic and McDermott back. They also give back the rights to the Kings picks. Enough to get a deal done? Probably not. Did I just strip the Bulls of their best perimeter shooters? Basically. But consider this, Bulls fans, before you get too angry: Mirotic and Gibson are leaving in a couple months anyway. For free. They’ll be free agents after this season and there are some cold, hard facts out there.

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Mirotic is going to get paid more than he is worth. This season also hasn’t gone well. He’s missed a team pre-game walk through, he’s picked up two DNP-CDs, and he hasn’t been given – or taken – the opportunity to seize control of the power forward position moving forward. I think he’s got plenty of upside, just maybe not for Chicago and not for what he’ll be paid on the free agent market this summer.

Gibson is going to be a similar free agency situation. He’s good, but he’s going to be overpaid and get a deal that will pay him until he is age 35. That’s not the deal you want to get caught holding and you don’t want to overpay Taj now, just to make up for the all the years he was underappreciated by the Bulls front office in the past.

McDermott is the only piece of collateral you’re actually sacrificing in this move and he’s the exact kind of player a run-and-gun owner like Ranadive loves. Plus, you give them the rights to their own pick. It’s never coming to Chicago as a first-round pick anyway, just let ‘em keep it. If you can make this deal, you’ve won. It’s a shaky proposition for the Kings, but there’s a philosophical discussion to be had about how it could actually be better for them, too.

The other trade would look similar. It would involve LaMarcus Aldridge if he were to be made available. That deal would be much harder to figure out as Aldridge has a long-term deal. I can’t help but feel like giving McDermott, Mirotic and Gibson to Gregg Popovich is a lot like giving him the codes to the NBA nukes. If he turned those guys into the players they are capable of being in the Spurs system, they could be comically good.

Yes, we’ve completely spiraled out of reality. Isn’t it fun?

Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

Fourth Quarter Miracle

People talk about Christmas miracles all the time. Usually, it’s like they get something stupid that they really wanted and won’t appreciate in two weeks or they get a date with someone who isn’t the person they thought that person was and built them up to be and they’ll break up before Valentine’s Day anyway. Whatever, in those types of situations, someone always utters, “It’s a Christmas miracle!” I think people also say this when it snows. That’s just dumb, it snows because it’s cold outside or it’d be raining and the season is winter so of course it would be snow.

Oh yeah, the Bulls. Hey, they’re terrible in the fourth quarter. There’s a fun fact that keeps being thrown around about Chicago and their fourth quarter performances. That fact is that they have the absolute worst eFG% in the entire league in the fourth quarter.

It’s not even close. The distance between them and the next worst team, the Orlando Magic, is greater than the distance between the Magic, ranked 29th, and the Portland Trail Blazers, ranked 19th. That’s so bad. And no wonder, they don’t have a fourth quarter game plan.

A lot of people with their head in the sand about the prospects of this team shout about their random prime time wins and how they started 3-0 on the year and how the Eastern Conference is weak. It ignores a team that can’t close.

And there’s a theory about this and what it means for the long-term future of Chicago, as in the playoffs if they make it that far. The playoffs are highly concentrated games where the deep rotations and loose play disappears. Everything is focused, every player studied about and prepared for. Basically, I’m saying that a playoff game is like one big fourth quarter and we’re seeing what the Bulls look like in the fourth quarter.

Chicago has been naughty lately. They’ve lost a lot of games. They are shooting very poorly. Their playcalling is awful. Their play execution is awful. Robin Lopez and Gibson both got ejected from the same game at the same time against Charlotte. All we’ve got is Christmas and a wish and that might not be enough.