NBA: Recasting the Monstars from 'Space Jam' as NBA players

To put a new angle on Michael Jordan’s classic NBA film, here’s what “Space Jam” could look like when recasting the Monstars.

Feb 5, 2015; Cleveland, OH, USA; NBA Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) and Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin (32) stand together in the third quarter at Quicken Loans Arena. Mandatory Credit: David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

This past week, in between marathon sessions of NBA 2K17, I decided to re-watch one of my favorite movies as a kid: “Space Jam”. Something struck me as I was watching the movie for the 100th time: the Monstars team was horribly constructed. It featured two centers, two power forwards, and the shortest player in NBA history. No wonder they lost to a Michael Jordan led team when they had no wing defenders to guard him.

The Nerdlucks (the name of the alien species) went to NBA games, disguised in Dr. Who’s scarf, looking for the best basketball talents in the world. They came away with a talented but mismatched group.

The Nerdlucks were new to the game of basketball, so it makes sense that they wouldn’t understand the minutia of NBA position play. So, let’s help them out and have some fantasy fun.

We are going to pick a team of modern NBA players to take on an MJ led Tune Squad. Players will be decided on three criteria; overall basketball skill, team fit, and comedic acting ability (this is Looney Tunes, after all).

Let’s get started with the point guard position.

Mar 20, 2016; New Orleans, LA, USA; Los Angeles Clippers guard Chris Paul (3) drives with the ball against the New Orleans Pelicans during the first quarter of a game at the Smoothie King Center. Mandatory Credit: Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Chris Paul as Nawt

Nawt is the magenta Nerdluck. In the original he stole the abilities of Muggsy Bogues. Bogues was a pass first point guard who was an absolute terror on defense.

At 5’3″ he is the shortest player to ever play in the NBA. Even at this height, he was known to get up and block a shot every once in a while, including a block against 7’0″ Monstars teammate Patrick Ewing. Bogues was great in the movie as well, setting up sight gags for his gigantic counterparts.

A pass first point guard is a solid start for our revamped Monstars team, but let’s choose one who has more of a knack for scoring. Muggsy never averaged more then 11 points per game and wasn’t much of a threat from three.

The perfect PG for our team is Chris Paul. Like Bogues, CP3 is a pass first point guard who is a pest on defense, but Chris is the far superior scorer.

Paul is also a talented comedic actor. We have seen him assisting customers as Cliff Paul. But his funniest material has to be the BGCP3TV in HD spots.

Chris could handle both the basketball side and the comedy side, making him our Monstars PG.

Apr 3, 2016; Houston, TX, USA; Houston Rockets guard James Harden (13) celebrates after scoring a basket during the third quarter against the Oklahoma City Thunder at Toyota Center. The Rockets won 118-110. Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

James Harden as Blanko

The Monstars did not have a shooting guard on the roster. If we are going to beat a Michael Jordan led team we need to have a shooting guard.

Blanko is the blue Nerdluck. In the original he stole the abilities of Sean Bradley. Bradley is one of the tallest players in NBA history at 7’6. He was a solid big man who excelled at blocking shots, despite the highlight reels accentuating how often he got dunked on at times. Despite being the tallest player on the Monstars squad, Bradley was probably the team’s worst rebounder after the 5’3″ Bogues. He was also the least talented of the team’s two centers. So, this is the big man we’ll drop.

The 7’6″ Stormin’ Mormon brought some great physical comedy to the table. His lanky frame also lent itself well to being animated. Our Monstars SG will be James Harden, one of the NBA’s most gifted scorers. He also has tremendous facial hair that would look great done in a Looney Tunes style animation. He’s also a funny actor.

Harden is featured in a series of footlocker ads with Colin Farrell. Farrell provides the voice of Harden’s inner confidence, giving him suspect advice. Harden shows a a gift for physical comedy in these ads.

This, combined with his skills on the court, make James Harden our Monstars SG.

Jun 16, 2016; Cleveland, OH, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) dunks during the first quarter in game six of the NBA Finals at Quicken Loans Arena. Mandatory Credit: Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports

LeBron James as Pound

Charles Barkley was the only player on the original Monstars squad who could play small forward, but it was not his natural position. Chuck was a four. He led the league in rebounding one season (shortest player to ever accomplish this), and played primarily on the block. Pound is the orange Nerdluck who stole Barkley’s abilities. Barkley was also the first player the Nerdlucks chose.

If I had to choose just one modern NBA player to build a team around, it would have to be LeBron James (LBJ is on the table because we are tackling a Jordan led Tune Squad, not the rumored remake starring LeBron).

This affords us the unique opportunity to have MJ go head to head against LeBron, or at least an animated alien with LeBron’s abilities. It’s too exciting a cinematic opportunity to pass up.

LeBron is also a talented actor. Most players on this list have displayed their acting abilities through commercials. LeBron has actually been in a movie, and he was good. His comedic timing is something his co-stars were quick to compliment in interviews.

This wasn’t just a cameo either. In the comedy “Trainwreck”, Lebron acted opposite Bill Hader, and was extremely funny.

LeBron and MJ are a dream matchup, and LBJ has the comedic chops as well, making him an easy choice for our Monstars small forward.

Blake Griffin as Bupkus

Bupkus is the purple Nerdluck. In the original he stole the abilities of Larry Johnson, who came into the league as an explosive power forward. He added a smooth jump shot to that game and became one of the NBA’s dominant scorers. This is a mold that Blake Griffin fits into perfectly.

Big BG is also a phenomenal comedic actor. His recent stand-up routine went viral, he’s worked with fellow Monstars and Clippers teammate Chris Paul on BGCP3TV in HD, and his ads are always comedy gold, Jerry. Gold!

The original Space Jam movie was inspired by a series of Nike ads that featured Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny taking on Marvin the Martian and his alien henchman in a game of basketball. Interestingly, Blake Griffin recently starred in his own commercial opposite that same Marvin the Martian.

Griffin has the basketball skills and the comedic delivery to be our Monstars PF.

DeAndre Jordan as Bang

Bang is the green Nerdluck. In the original he stole the abilities of Patrick Ewing, one of the greatest all around centers ever. He retired with career averages of 21 points, 9.8 rebounds, one steal, and 2.4 blocks per game. He was a force on both sides of the ball.