MLB panic meter: Assessing the Yankees, Astros, Padres, Mets and more

When it comes to baseball, I am not a panic-y man. I tend to not get neurotic or paranoid or needlessly concerned. It is still just mid May. The recent history of this sport is littered with slow-starting clubs who righted their respective ship and went on to accomplish wonderful things. 

But for the first time this season (and ever) we shall break out the panic meter. We'll check back in once per month on some of these middle-ground clubs.

Some Panic Meter ground rules:

If I deem you an irreparable catastrophe, I will keep you in that category for the entire season regardless of how you play, because that's kinda what that means.

To be panicking, you need to have expectations to begin with. Nobody in Kansas City is freaking out because this team was predicted to stink and has followed through on that expectation. The Royals players themselves are no doubt frustrated and disappointed, but that is a different scale, far from the term "panic."

This is not an authoritative list of teams in panic mode, rather the most relevant and compelling given recent events.

(Relative) Harmonious Tranquility: New York Yankees

Nothing says total serenity like the last week of Yankees baseball! Ejections! Sticky stuff! Sign-stealing accusations!

The Good: New York's split with Tampa over the weekend was a big boost for this club, which scuffled out of the gate after a rash of key players hitting the IL. But for now, things have mellowed out after what was a tumultuous April. Aaron Judge and Harrison Bader are healthy and raking, Anthony Volpe is slowly figuring things out, the bullpen has steadied itself somewhat and Luis Severino's impending return should help reinvigorate an undermanned rotation.

The Bad: They're still on the scale, which means there are still a few reasons to be concerned, namely their lack of offensive depth caused by an aging, injury-prone roster and the aforementioned starting staff.

Dash of Worry: Houston Astros

There are areas of concern, but do you wanna bet against the Astros? No thanks, not me, not yet.

The Good: Yordan Álvarez looks like a statue and hits like a god. Framber Valdez, Christian Javier and Hunter Brown have all been solid. Mauricio Dubón is hitting over .300 (albeit with no pop). Alex Bregman can't be this brutal all season. José Altuve should come off the IL soon. These are many of the same people who just stampeded to a title in dominant fashion.

The Bad: José Abreu looks like a $58 million dollar pumpkin trying to hit a peanut with a pool noodle. Jeremy Peña is probably NOT the soul-snatching October hero we saw last postseason. A lineup featuring Martín Maldonado (.183 AVG), Abreu (0 homers), Dubón (0 homers), Corey Julks (.280 OBP) and Jake Meyers (.657 OPS) is decidedly less fearsome than previous iterations of this team.

[MLB Mailbag: Bryce Harper or Rockies? Does José Abreu need a vacation?]

Heightening Trepidation: San Diego Padres

We wasted all that time freaking out about Juan Soto when we should have been freaking out about Manny Machado.

The Good: Fernando Tatis Jr. is back, hitting well and turns out to be a great defensive right fielder. Soto has already rebounded from a slow start and is smashing the ball. Xander Bogaerts has tailed off a bit recently, but his addition is still a no-doubt win for San Diego. The pitching staff is stringing together a lot of quality starts. Josh Hader remains elite.

The Bad: As a unit, Padres catchers are hitting like pitchers to the tune of a .172/.248/.238 line. Austin Nola has been dependable the last few years, but he's not special enough of a defender to warrant this type of offensive ineptitude. The way Blake Snell pitches makes me sad. The bullpen beyond Hader has legit issues. Manny Machado just hasn't gotten rolling yet, he probably will eventually, but for now it's HEIGHTENING TREPIDATION.

Pessimistic Nervousness: Philadelphia Phillies

Bryce Harper, the magical medical marvel, is back from surgery, but the vibes in Philly still feel a bit off just because this pitching staff has really underwhelmed.

The Good: Harper isn't just healthy, but he's somehow already back to pre-surgery levels of production 12 games into his season. Nick Castellanos is swinging so much, but it's working so who cares. Brandon Marsh and his wet spaghetti hair haven't stopped raking. JT Realmuto is still one of the best catchers in baseball.

The Bad: Trea Turner and Kyle Schwarber are stuck in second gear. Bryson Stott, the foul-ball machine, has tailed off after a hot start (I'm still a believer). But the biggest eyebrow raiser has been the mediocre performance of Aaron Nola and Zack Wheeler, the co-aces who helped carry Philly to October glory. The peripheral numbers have faith that Wheeler will figure it out, but Nola's fastball being down a full tick compared to last year is not particularly reassuring. Free-agent acquisition Taijuan Walker has also struggled. This team needs the recently returned Ranger Suárez to steady the staff.

Discouraged Dismay: New York Mets

An anemic offense and an elderly pitching staff capable of cracking at any moment make for a fun, watchable combination!

The Good: Justin Verlander is off the IL and pitching great. Miraculously, David Robertson has been a worthy fill-in for Edwin Díaz. The rest of the bullpen has been solid. Pete Alonso and Brandon Nimmo are hitting. Top prospects Bretty Baty and Francisco Álvarez are up and keeping their heads above water.

The Bad: Francisco Lindor and Jeff McNeil have been devastatingly average. Starling Marte, Mark Canha and Eduardo Escobar are all 34 or 35 years old and are starting to look like it. The Mets rotation of geezers has, predictably, missed a ton of time with injuries. Replacements like Tylor Megill and Joey Lucchesi have performed admirably, but are not impact guys. Because the good Mets pitchers have age-related injury concerns, I think there's a more reason for panic in Queens than Philly.

Certain Concern: St. Louis Cardinals

This division is so bad that the Cardinals, who looked so, so, so, so lost when handling the Willson Contreras catching kerfuffle, might not be completely doomed just yet. In fact, I think that in a month these dudes will be on the other end of the panic meter.

The Good: St. Louis has suddenly won seven of their last 10. Contreras is back behind the dish and seems to be doing fine. Nolan Arenado, who looked like a blindfolded child for the first five weeks of the season, homered in five consecutive games. Paul Goldschmidt looks just as awesome as he did last year. Nolan Gorman is an offensive force. This team was never as bad as they looked in the early going.

The Bad: All of the starting pitchers (except for Jack Flaherty) still can't strike anybody out. The outfield is still kind of a mess even though Lars Nootbaar has been great. The bullpen does not inspire confidence and the defense has taken a step back.

Hopeless Hysteria: San Francisco Giants

This team is so odd and so perplexing. The only thing about them that I'm 100% on is that they really could have used Aaron Judge.

The Good: Did you know how good LaMonte Wade Jr. has been? Did you know how good LaMonte Wade Jr.'s mustache looks? Do you know that Mike Yastrzemski, Thairo Estrada and J.D. Davis are hitting like potential All-Stars? Are you aware who Casey Schmitt is? Have you been informed that Logan Webb, Anthony DeSclafani, Alex Cobb and Alex Wood might be the best top four of a rotation in baseball? Have you seen Camilo Doval pitch?

The Bad: Wait why are things so bad, that last paragraph sounded great! Well, the bullpen kinda stinks. Mitch Haniger has been awful. Brandon Crawford looks cooked and this team can't find a decent catcher. The good hitters are likely to come back to earth and when they do there's no offensive superstar that can carry this team. Maybe the phrasing here is too harsh, but I simply don't think there's enough of a ceiling for San Francisco to capture a playoff spot in such a tough division. 

Irreparable Catastrophe: Chicago White Sox

As the window of contention starts to dwindle, the southsiders are 14-28 and hurtling towards a trade deadline where they sell a few players to contenders.

The Good: The 2021 White Sox.

The Bad: The 2023 White Sox.

Jake Mintz, the louder half of @CespedesBBQ is a baseball writer for FOX Sports. He played college baseball, poorly at first, then very well, very briefly. Jake lives in New York City where he coaches Little League and rides his bike, sometimes at the same time. Follow him on Twitter at @Jake_Mintz.