Albert Pujols on the mound: Position players we want to see pitch

By Jordan Shusterman
FOX Sports MLB Writer

That was the grand finale, right?

Just as Bartolo Colon’s iconic home run in 2016 felt like the illogical but magical conclusion to pitchers hitting, 42-year-old future Hall of Famer Albert Pujols taking the mound on Sunday Night Baseball with the Cardinals winning would seem to be the pinnacle of position players pitching.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

It can’t get better than that, right?

Well, a fan can dream. Granted, with the introduction of the universal DH, it will be nearly impossible to see heroics from pitchers in the batter’s box such as Colon’s epic HR. But position players pitching is going to be a thing until and unless MLB institutes some kind of mercy rule.

With that in mind, here are the position players I’d most love to see pitch in some goofy blowout situation sometime in the future.

The legends

* Joey Votto
* Miguel Cabrera
* Yadier Molina
* Nelson Cruz
* Robinson Cano

Pujols was the latest and greatest example of a lovable vet taking the mound for the first time in his career at a, shall we say, advanced age, but we’ve seen it before with guys such as Ichiro back in 2015.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

Any of these longtime stars pitching would be wonderfully entertaining, especially Votto, who would surely come up with some kind of hilarious delivery or trick pitch that none of us could even fathom.

Superstars who should never ever pitch, but it would be cool to see

* Mike Trout
* Jose Ramirez
* Giancarlo Stanton
* Juan Soto
* Rafael Devers

Perhaps in a decade we could hope to see these guys make an appearance a la Pujols, but for now, there’s probably no shot of it happening, barring some outrageous scenario in which Soto demands to pitch as part of his extension negotiations with the Nationals.

But imagine! Any of these guys taking the bump would be hilarious and unfathomable.

Superstars with cannons who should never ever pitch, but it would be cool to see

* Bryce Harper
* Fernando Tatis Jr.
* Manny Machado
* Mookie Betts
* Nolan Arenado
* Carlos Correa
* Aaron Judge

It's also pretty difficult to imagine this group taking the hill in a blowout — like the previous group, these players get subbed out in the seventh so they don’t get hurt — but these are also players with exceptional arm strength and immense competitive fire, so I have to imagine they would take great pride in showing off their respective rockets if given the chance.

It’s not like Tatis knows how to do anything with less than max effort, so it would be a delight to watch Bob Melvin call on the young shortstop to close out a game.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

(Again, these are probably never going to happen. But what if?!?)

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

Catchers with cannons

* Francisco Mejia
* Sean Murphy
* Gary Sanchez
* Martin Maldonado
* Jorge Alfaro
* JT Realmuto

This one is pretty self-explanatory, as these are the backstops who have consistently displayed ridiculous arm strength when throwing out runners attempting to steal. There's a history of catchers with strong arms converting to the mound — Kenley Jansen and Jason Motte, to name a couple — and it’s hard not to wonder just how much these guys could light up a radar gun if given the chance to let it fly.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

Of course, any of these guys getting on the mound would also beg the question: Who catches them? Backups, beware!

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

Non-catchers with cannons

* Andrelton Simmons
* Hunter Renfroe
* Joey Gallo
* Alex Verdugo
* Aaron Hicks
* Michael A. Taylor
* Victor Robles
* Matt Chapman
* Ramon Laureano
* Jackie Bradley Jr.

These guys are known for their arm strength on defense, and it would be exciting to see how that translates on the mound. Sure, they can’t crow hop while pitching — that would be a balk — but that doesn’t mean some of these outfielders wouldn’t be slingin’ mid-90s cheddar if given the chance.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

Hicks was the gold standard for a while, but it’s unclear if his arm strength is back to its pre-Tommy John levels of ridiculousness.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

My favorite from this group has to be Robles, who has the nickname Victor THROWbles for a reason.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

Brett Phillips funny man division

* Andrew McCutchen
* Ozzie Albies
* Franmil Reyes
* Gavin Lux
* Jazz Chisholm Jr.

Brett Phillips has become the gold standard of position players pitching strictly from a humor standpoint. Could anyone top him in terms of pure performative goofiness and making everyone laugh?

I’m skeptical, but these five have track records of being particularly light-hearted and funny on and around the field, and I think they could be pretty entertaining. If not, we can at least count on Phillips to keep putting on a show.

An error occurred while retrieving the Tweet. It might have been deleted.

Jordan Shusterman is half of @CespedesBBQ and a baseball writer for FOX Sports. He lives in D.C. but is a huge Seattle Mariners fan and loves watching the KBO, which means he doesn't get a lot of sleep. You can follow him on Twitter @j_shusterman_.