4 Things to Know About New Alabama Assistant Coach Mike Locksley

Here are four things you need to know about new Alabama coach Mike Locksley, who will be promoted to an on field position, we just don’t know which one yet.

It’s that time of year when other teams in the SEC and around the country stop hating Alabama long enough to celebrate hiring one of Nick Saban’s Assistants. These celebrations come despite the fact that Saban remains undefeated against his former Assistants and that Alabama reloads on coaches just like they do on players.

Mike Locksley is the next man up in the Saban coaching arsenal and here are 4 things you need to know about him.

Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

1. Locksley spent 2016 as an offensive analyst with the Tide.

It’s almost like Nick Saban already had this all planned out huh? What else would you expect from the same mastermind that hired a former FSU quarterback as an analyst ahead of Alabama’s season opener against the Seminoles? The point is that Locksley has been around the program. He knows the process. There are no surprises. He’ll be working with the same players and coaches that he has already been working with as an analyst.

2. Saban hasn’t said what Locksley will be coaching yet.

Will he be the Tight Ends Coach? Will he be working with receivers? Will he get me a job at Alabama? We don’t know the answer to any of these questions except the last one. The answer is no, no he will not. We do know that he will be on the field and that he will be productive because –

3. Locksley has a long track record of performance.

Locksley is a veteran coach with over two decades of experience. He’s been a Head Coach at New Mexico. He’s coached offenses at Florida, Illinois and Maryland and improved the performance of every unit he has ever touched.

Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports

Here we see Locksley trying to remember the names of every woman who ever curved him so he can tag all their sorry asses in the petty Facebook status update he’s going to post at halftime about the offer from Saban.

Now I want y’all to pay attention and remember that you heard this here first. Saban is grooming Locksley to take over when Sarkisian is lured away from the Tide after a monster 2017 season. Saban is playing chess while everyone else except Auburn is playing checkers. Auburn is eating the marbles from a Hungry Hungry Hippo game.

Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports

Here we see 2 Saban Assistants performing the traditional greeting ceremony of the Saban Assistant people by allowing each other to touch the hand that touched Saban.

4. It doesn’t really matter. We have Nick Saban.

Danny Kanell has said “The Dynasty is Dead” so many times that the only thing separating him from one of those end times preachers is a sandwich board sign that says “THE END IS NEAR” and of course, integrity. The preacher actually believes what he is saying.

Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports

No matter who puts their hand on the offense Saban will be holding the other one every step of the way and whacking the knuckles of it with a ruler when they don’t RUN THE DAMN BALL LA-Sorry. I told you I can’t help it.

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